What Is God?

I was just sitting there one morning
The sun beaming through the windows
When I noticed my reflection
Staring at me through the cheerios
In my big sleepy eyes
I began to glimpse my spirit 
Then came the faintest voice
I almost couldn’t hear it

It said, “Is there a God? Where is God? What is God? 
Everybody knows, nobody knows, isn’t it odd?”

I met a flower hippie
She hugged me, so I thanked her
I asked her, “What is God?”
She replied, “Mother Nature”
So I went camping

I asked a mathematician
At the prestigious university
He tilted his spectacles
And he said, “Infinity”
So I started counting

I asked a priest
Who said, “Father, Son and Holy Spirit”
So I proposed a plan
But he didn’t like to hear it
I got some boxed liquor with my dad
And we poked holes in it

I asked a Buddhist monk
That I met in a sauna
”How can I meet God?”
He said, “You must find Nirvana”
So I bought Teen Spirit

I searched for a Rabbi
Until I finally found one of them
I asked him, “What is God?”
He replied, “Hashem”
So I said, “Bless you”

I found a Hindu person
And couldn’t hide my excitement
I asked her, “Where is God?”
She said, “Find enlightenment”
So stared into a flashlight  

I asked a Tantra Master
She said, “It’s something felt, not shown
It’s the best orgasm”
So I drove straight home 
And did something private

In my weekly appointment
I inquired to my shrink
She wrote something down
Then said calmly, “What do you think?”
So I rambled on and on and on 

I said, “Is there a God? Where is God? What is God? 
Everybody knows, nobody knows, isn’t it odd?”

I asked an owl
Just to see what it would do
It blinked a bunch of times
Then finally said, “Who?”
So I repeated the question

I asked a guy at Burning Man
Who was tripping on acid
He grinned real wide
And exclaimed “You are, kid!”
So I looked in the mirror
And then took some acid

I asked an atheist
And he answered, “Nothing”
So I stopped asking him

I asked a holy shaman
She said, “Here take this drink”
So I gulped it down quickly
Then threw up in the sink
And then shat myself

I asked a little girl
Who was only five years old
With food still in her mouth,
She said, “I don’t know”
She was the only honest person

I went home disheartened
But decided to ask my cat 
He just glared at me
So I stared right back
I think he might be God
Yeah, I’m pretty sure he’s God

Is there a God? Where is God? What is God? 
Everybody knows, nobody knows, isn’t it odd?
Oh is there a God? Where is God? What is God? 
Everybody knows, yet nobody knows, isn’t it odd?